Do you know where to go for help if you find yourself (or a friend) in an abusive relationship? Do you know how to recognize an abusive relationship? When I traveled to Long Island, New York for Macaroni Kid's annual meetup of publishers, one our speakers came from a local nonprofit serving victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in the local community, called The Retreat. Now you might ask yourself, as I did at first, why in the world would an organization like this be asked to speak to a group of publishers whose main focus is family fun?
But, think about it for a second. According to The Retreat, "one in three women will experience abuse at some point in their lives." Over 90% of Macaroni Kid's readers are women. That means that 900 of Macaroni Kid South Birmingham's nearly 3000 readers has suffered, is suffering or will suffer from abuse. That is a LOT of people. The Retreat stood up in front of us and asked, "do you know who serves victims of abuse in your community? Do you know where to send someone if they need help?" I admit, I did not. I had no idea, despite the fact that I read about abuse in women's and mom's Facebook groups every. single. day. Women confiding in Facebook groups where they feel safe enough to ask questions and tell their stories. Women who are clearly being abused, but don't recognize it as such, or know what to do about it. The Retreat challenged us, as community connectors and influencers, to go home, find some answers and then deliver that information to our readers. Challenge accepted.
The following information is super important for you to know, whether or not you, yourself, have ever been abused. You never know when you will encounter a friend, neighbor, coworker, family member or complete stranger who needs this information. So read it. Soak it in. Teach your kids about it. Bookmark this page. Share it. You may even find yourself looking in the mirror after reading this information. Don't hesitate. Get help now.
Also remember that not all victims of abuse are women. It happens to approximately 1 in 4 men, too, and they can also find help here.
The following checklist, provided by The Retreat, may help you decide if you, or someone you know, is being abused:
Does your partner:
- Constantly criticize you and your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent, or employee?
- Behave in an over-protective manner or become extremely jealous?
- Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or themselves?
- Prevent you from seeing family or friends?
- Get suddenly angry or lose their temper?
- Destroy personal property or throw things around?
- Deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, of the car or control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
- Withhold medication or deny you access to health care?
- Threaten to reveal your HIV status?
- Force you to work in jobs not of your choosing?
- Use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?
- Hit, punch, slap, kick, shove, choke or bite you?
- Deny you access to your immigration documents?
- Prevent you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you want to?
- Make you have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually that you don’t want to do?
- Control your expression of gender identity or sexual orientation?
- Threaten to out you if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender?
- Humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be a victim of domestic violence. You are not to blame and you are not alone.
SafeHouse of Shelby County <---- click here for help in Shelby County
The following information has been provided by the SafeHouse of Shelby County.
SafeHouse is a nonprofit organization, founded in 1989, that serves survivors of domestic and sexual violence in Shelby, Coosa, Clay and Chilton counties in Central Alabama. Our mission is to empower survivors of domestic and sexual violence through support and advocacy and to educate the community to prevent future abuse.
SafeHouse offers free and confidential services that are designed to meet the needs of each survivor. These services include an emergency shelter, sexual assault clinic, counseling for both domestic violence and sexual abuse, case management, legal advocacy, and prevention education.
Our prevention education department offers training for students, professionals and community members through self-empowerment workshops, how-to-help workshops, and the Date Safe Project. These trainings cover topics such as healthy relationships, dynamics of domestic violence and sexual assault, building boundaries, and even the importance of consent.
Our sexual assault clinic, SafeShelby, is staffed with trained advocates and forensic nurses who conduct a forensic exam for survivors ages 14+ within 72 hours of a sexual assault. We have a 24-hour crisis hotline that allows anyone to speak with a trained advocate: (205) 669-7233 (SAFE). To learn more about SafeHouse and the services we provide, visit our website at www.safehouse.org.
Dating Abuse Red Flags
- Being physically hurt, threatened, or manipulated
- Feeling fearful or anxious around your partner
- Changing what you do or say in fear of how your partner will react
- Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself or express yourself
- Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space respected
- Feeling a pounding or fluttering in your chest when your partner isn’t happy
- Feeling embarrassed, put down, ashamed, or guilty
Is someone you care about in an unhealthy relationship?
Five things you can say:
- The abuse is not your fault
- I’m afraid for you and you children
- Substance abuse doesn’t cause this
- I believe you
- I will always be here for you
Five things you can do:
- Learn about the dangers of leaving
- Commit to being supportive
- Remain non-judgmental
- Compliment the survivor
- Reach out to a trained advocate
(205) 669-7233 (SAFE)
YWCA of Birmingham <---- click for help in Jefferson County
24 hour Crisis Line at 205-322-4878 or 1-800-650-6522
CYCLE OF VIOLENCE INFO GRAPHIC
Crisis Center in Birmingham (including rape response) <---- click for help in Jefferson County
24 hour Crisis Hotline at 205-323-7777 or 1-800-273-8255
Rape Response Line 205-323-7273
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